Mompetition

**This was a post originally published on 7/15/2011 when the toddler was 11 months old and I was still trying to find my footing as a mom. It is not directed at any one parent in particular. Mompetition is everywhere from the media to the play group. Luckily I am surrounded by mom's who couldn't care less. I am not bashing high end baby items or saying I do not own anything worth more than $20. What I am saying is that moms need to stick together. Those kids outnumber us and we need to present a united front. Plus, life is lonely without friends.**

What is “mompetition” you ask? It is the phenomenon in which moms compete with other moms at mothering. Who has the best diaper bag, stroller, carseat. Who has breastfed the longest, cloth diapered, not slept, saved the world, blah, blah, blah. I have personally witnessed it. And I started to get sucked in. I will admit it. I am not proud of it. Luckily I saw what was happening and who I was becoming and took a hiatus and really looked at myself. (Getting the stomach bug and then hurting my back gave me the time to reevaluate from the safety of my couch).

I see other mommas spending money that they don’t have to make sure they have the most expensive gear. They beat themselves up for not bouncing back to their pre-pregnancy body as fast as so and so. They worry because their baby is not teething/sitting/crawling/walking/babbling as early as other babies. Or, they full on make things up to seem like their baby is excelling. Who hasn’t slept and who has is a huge topic of discussion that inevitably turns into a “my baby sleeps worse than yours” match.

It is insane. It is all consuming. 

I looked at myself one day and barely recognized the momma looking back. What do I have to complain about? My body is not what is was in my twenties, but I made life with this body. I nourish my daughter every day from it. It deserves better thoughts than I was giving it. Time to start appreciating myself no matter what the scale says. Instead I will eat healthy because it makes me feel good. I will also happily take my little girl to go get her favorite food ever, ice cream. I will eat it and not feel guilty. The experience of seeing her so very excited to be sharing a yummy treat with Momma is worth the extra weight.

As far as the consumer part of Mompetition goes, who can afford that? Baby gear is mostly useless and always expensive. We are in the process of going through our house and gathering up all the stuff we have acquired over the past year and do not use and having a tag sale with it. No amount of “stuff” is going to make anyone happy. If anything I started to feel suffocated by it. It can consume you. Plus, how many plastic toys does an 11 month old need? And who cares what brand your stroller/highchair/carseat/crib/exersaucer/squeaky toy is? Safety and usefulness is all that matters. If you feel the need to spend an entire months salary on your [insert baby contraption here], go ahead. But I really questioned my motives for wanting/buying certain big ticket items and surprised myself at the answer.

Our baby has been a late bloomer when it comes to the physical milestones. (Rolling, sitting, crawling). She has been early on the social. (Smiling, waving, pointing, talking). It was really hard to hear about all the other babies reaching these milestones early or even “on time.” Then my pediatrician said something to me. She told me that once these babies are all 5 years old, you will never be able to tell who sat first. I realized that every baby will get to their milestones. It is just that each one has a different path to get there. Once I got into that mode of thinking I could start to be more relaxed and really enjoy what my baby COULD do.

I am sure there will always be competition among moms. As long as there are designer diaper bags and expensive strollers, sleepless nights and early milestone achievers, there will be competition. I just choose to not participate. Not any more. I will buy items because I like them regardless of the price tag or label. I will be happy with my life. With the baby I have and the path that she is on. I will be thankful for what we have and not jealous of what we don’t. I will be truly happy for the momma who’s baby gets to that next big milestone regardless of if my baby has. I will not compare my baby to your baby. I will not compare my life to yours. I will be me and let you be you.

I will be happy. Simple as that.