Becoming Dad

Watching as our daughter reached out and grabbed her daddy’s hand as they headed out on another

great adventure made my heart nearly burst. The look in her eyes when he asked if she wanted to go, the smile on her face as she headed out the door with him. If anyone doubts pure, true love, I have seen the proof.

The bond I share with my daughter is deep. It is not easily described with words. She is my muse, my best friend, my companion and my love. She is the air I breath and the reason I draw it in over and over. There is no doubting that the bond shared between mother and child is strong. I am learning, though, that the bond between father and child, namely a certain father and his daughter, is exceptional as well.

Before our daughter was born my husband had never changed a diaper, rarely held infants, and had never taken care of a small child before. Ironically, children loved him and naturally gravitated towards him. Throughout my pregnancy I would offer to help him change our infant niece’s diaper. He would always refuse and say that the first one he would change would be our baby’s.

Nine months and hours of labor later and there she was. Our baby. After she had been swaddled, diapered, nursed and stared at she did it. She dirtied her very first tiny diaper. Here was his chance. My husband’s very first diaper and very first solo act of fatherhood. He confidently and gently cleaned and changed her all by himself. As if he had done it for years. This moment, as tiny as it was, was a foreshadow of his entire approach to fatherhood.

Nearly three years later our little girl is out of diapers. My husband could cloth diaper a protesting greased pig in his sleep. He has confidently tackled some big and not so big parenting challenges. He is truly my partner and my co-parent. I make sure to thank him every day for being such an incredible father and husband. I know how blessed we are.

Last Sunday was Father’s Day. The day to celebrate dads everywhere. We celebrated like we do every weekend. We ventured off into the woods, this time choosing my husbands most favorite location. As I sat and watched my daughter gather props for her world of make believe and my husband set up his next shot of what may be the most beautiful waterfal,l I started thinking about dads. We all have them. In whatever role they played, we all have them. We would not exist without fathers just as much as we wouldn’t without mothers. They are equally important in the creation of life.

But, man oh man, do they sometimes get the short end of the parenting stick. We live in a mommy culture. Even the word parenting conjures up images of moms with their children. Statistically they are the parent who works outside the home, often very long hours. They are usually the parent who loses custody when a relationship falls apart. Being away from their children, for whatever reasons, for long periods of time will generally mean missed firsts. First steps during a business meeting, first smiles during mom’s weekend. Even Hollywood is mom-centric. Rarely are men portrayed as the stay at home parent and when they are they are put in frilly pink aprons and demasculinized. They are made to look like bumbling idiots just waiting for mom to get home so she can show them what to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not downplaying mom’s role in the parenting relationship. Pregnancy, labor, delivery, breastfeeding are all entirely our responsibility. We have thousands of years of evolution on our side. We have maternal instincts, support groups, mommy and me classes and hundreds, if not thousands, of internet based forums. All I am asking for is a little fairness, a little credit where credit is due.

I know a lot of great mothers. And for every great mom I know, I know and equally great father. These are the men who wake up early on the weekend to make breakfast and play with their children while mom sleeps in, even though he has worked a 50 hour week. Dad’s who drop everything to don a tutu and fairy wings and play make believe with their daughters. Father’s who leave their career and stay at home with the kids so that their partner can pursue her dreams. Men who step up and take care of children that are not biologically his because he loves them and DNA doesn’t define a family.

Men who deserve more than just one Sunday in June. Men who do what they do because they love their children and do not think twice about it. Men who put their families first. Men like my husband. I am honored to be married to someone who is exactly the father I dreamt he would be, and more.