Three

Three years ago my whole life changed.

A wanderer by nature, I finally found roots. The moment our daughter drew in her first breath was the moment everything changed. Everything finally seemed to make sense. I was, we were exactly where we were supposed to be. We became a family.

Our path to parenthood was longer and rockier than we expected. Our first pregnancy happened fast and easily. We couldn’t believe it. Then the bad news was delivered in a voice as sterile as the environment we were sitting in. I had lost the baby. Tears flowed. Dreams crashed. We held each other and asked questions that needed no answers. The one thing we didn’t do was give up.

Nearly a year later I delivered the news to my sleeping husband. It was 5am on my 30th birthday and I was pregnant. If we had lived closer to a mountaintop I would have announced it to the heavens. Broken dreams had somehow been pieced together.

There is a term used for babies conceived after a loss. They are called “rainbow babies”. They are the rainbow that appears after the storm. The reward for braving the hardest weather.

Our daughter is very much our rainbow.

She is the best thing that has ever happened to us. She gives my life a meaning, a purpose. She makes us grow while allowing us to revisit our childhoods. We teach her about the world and she shows us the important things in life. She embodies unconditional love. Awe and wonder bubble up and overflow from her.

There isn’t a storm I wouldn’t weather for her.

She turns three this week. It is incredible how the most important three years of my life have gone by so fast. I miss the tiny baby that would lay for hours in my arms, content to study my face. Just as the aching to hold that baby again gets to be too much, my daughter will master a new skill. Or bring me a flower. Or sweetly give me kisses and tell me I am the best momma ever. The aching and longing subsides and in it’s place is a deep love for the amazing little person she has become.

I have been spending a lot of time looking back at old photos and blog posts. I have been feeling nostalgic and very excited for the future all at the same time. I am overwhelmed by how much she has changed and grown in three short years. I feel honored to have the privilege to be her mom.

So, here we are. Heading into uncharted territory. We have emerged from the quiet solitude of her infant and toddler years. Blinking, we step into the light of big emotions and bigger opinions. Full sentences and a whole lot of 3 year old logic. We are both looking forward to what these years bring. To the adventures that they contain and the lessons we will learn. We look forward to being her parents, her teachers, and her exploration companions. We look forward to watching her discover herself and her world.

In honor of this amazing little girl’s third birthday I say we all follow her lead.

Be inquisitive. Question everything. The answers may surprise/inspire/enlighten you. Explore. Take a new way home, even if it isn’t the path of least resistance. Enjoy the little things. Watch an ant go about his work. Lift your chin on a breezy day and feel the air tickle your face. Express your emotions unapologetically. Smile at a stranger. Give your friend a hug. Eat dessert first. Nap. Enjoy your firsts, they happen all the time. And, most importantly, love you life and the people in it.

Happy happy happy birthday, Elsa. We love you to the moon and back.