Bitch Face.

 Let’s discuss something that has been following me around for years. How about my face? Or more specifically, how it gets me in trouble.

Since high school people have called me “unapproachable” and sometimes they used the big B word. Funny thing is, I am neither of these. Ok, maybe a bitch on occasion but that’s what you get for waking me up/pulling out in front of me/eating my cookie. Regardless, I blame my face.

I have a rather stern and somber neutral expression. I very often get the “SMILE!!!!!” remark from strangers. (Oh, add that to the bitch inducing instances). If I walk around with a forced smile I feel like I end up looking like I have a severe brain injury or am about to murder someone. It is not a good look for me.

Just recently my face got me into trouble once again. I was leaving our local food co-op with the hubs and our toddler, oblivious to other folks around, as usual. As we neared our car I heard a woman loudly say something about giving her kid to some guy and how she hates the looks some people give her. Moments later she walks by our car and yells at me. I heard her yelling but didn’t start to comprehend what she was saying or that she was talking to me right away. I honestly thought she was ranting to herself. Ooops. When I did listen I heard her say something about my “perfect kid who has everything” and “just wait until you have one that is not perfect, then let’s see you stare”. Ummm, huh? When I tried to get an explanation she screamed “DO NOT TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW”.

Did I mention she was dragging her kid along behind her? Poor thing was witness to this whole scene. Apparently I had given her some look. Problem is, I never remember looking at her. Maybe I glanced in her direction as I checked to see if a car was coming in the parking lot? The last thing I was doing was judging her. Especially since moments earlier our “perfect” toddler was happily emptying all of the twist ties from the self serve bagel bins. Onto the floor. And laughing. After we asked her not to touch a thousand times. Maybe she also missed little-miss-has-everything throwing a fit because we had to carry her so she wouldn’t clear the shelves with one swift arm motion. Maybe she doesn't know that I keep a "Toddler For Sale" flyer in my car, you know, just in case.

Yup, I guess she missed all that. But apparently I was the one giving away judgey looks. I mean, obviously I should be. My “Mother Of The Year” award is really big and shiny.

As you see, my face gets me into trouble. Should I walk around with a warning sign?

“Contents are not as bitchy as they appear.”

Or maybe I will start walking around fake smiling. At least then random people will be too freaked out by me to scream craziness in a parking lot.

Right?