Sunday Confessions #3: Content

Today is cold. Like bone chilling, can't wear enough layers, wind that cuts to your soul, cold. I refuse to leave my house. It is warm and bright and cozy. I am surrounded by the people and the things I love.

I am content.

Not very long ago, I would have never been able to say that. I was constantly striving for more. Trying to keep up with the Jones'. Problem was, I didn't even WANT what the Jones' had. What then was it that made me not content with my own life?

Myself. I was miserable. I had become someone I hardly recognized and most definitely didn't like. I made a decision to stop looking at everyone else and focus on looking inward. Create the life I would love from within.

It took months of changing my thoughts. I withdrew from much of my social life. I wrote near constantly and really studied who I had become and where I wanted to go. I worked day and night at growing, changing, evolving. Slowly, I started to like who I was becoming. I started to appreciate the little things. Then one day it happened. I felt content.

It was not an easy journey. I can't pinpoint the moment I arrived and am not entirely convinced I am there. I can say that I sacrificed a lot to become a better person and I did it for me.

I lost some friendships but gained myself. Recently a friend said, "You can tell who your true friends are in your darkest hour." It touched and comforted me. I had a very dark, very long hour. Those who stayed and waited it out are some of the best people I know.

Today I can look in the mirror and like what I see. I can look within myself and love the person I have become. I am no longer ruled by fear or jealousy or anger. I do whatever it is I feel is right and no longer worry that someone will think less of me for it.

I believe in paying-it-forward and giving without expectations. I believe in kindness. I believe in myself.

My confession? It has been a long road but I can say, after a lot of hard work, that I am content with who I am.