Dear Ex

Dear X Love,

We haven’t spoken in forever. When things ended between us so many years ago, everything ended. Communication, interaction, everything. It needed to be that way. I needed it to be that way. My heart was shattered, I needed to heal, to move on.

If we had spoken then, right after the break up, my words would have been bitter, angry. I would have said whatever I could have thought of to hurt you. To make you feel the pain I did. Instead, I walked away. I said nothing. I wrote down my feelings and let them out that way.

I am glad we didn’t speak. I am glad I had that space. In that I space I came to realize how much we were not meant to be. How much happier I felt with you as part of my past and not part of my present. The wounds I thought were forever started to heal. I grew and eventually I moved on.

If I saw you today, I would politely say hello. Ask how you are, how your family is. I would smile at your niceties in return. What I wouldn’t say, what I wouldn’t express, would be the one thing that I have wanted to say to you for years.

Thank you.

Thank you for teaching me what I didn’t want. Thank you for teaching me that I could rely solely on myself in times of pain and grief. Thank you for recognizing that we were not each other’s future. Thank you for setting me free so I could find myself. So I could find the person who was meant for me.

I don’t regret our relationship. I don’t regret you or our demise. I also do not miss anything about what we had. I do not miss you. You will always be a chapter in the story of me, but a chapter I will not re-read with any frequency. A chapter that holds lessons imperative to my future but not one I want to ever relive.

I found him, you know. My great love. He is everything I could have ever wanted. He has shown me unconditional love. He has given me a family, a home and a bright future. I am not telling you this to spite you or rub it in your face. I can’t imagine that you even care after so many years. I do want you to know that I am happy. I hope you are too.

Thank you X love, for giving me the experience I needed to be where I am today.

-Michelle

 

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