Online On My Mind

“Don’t forget your helmet!”

I can remember my mom yelling that after us as we tore out of the house for the day. Her reminder was her way of protecting us as we headed out into the world. She had talked to us about strangers and how we should never, under any circumstance, get into a car with someone we didn’t know. She taught us our phone number and address in case we got lost. She taught us to scream at the top of our lungs if we were in trouble. She did all this to keep us safe.

I figured when I had kids I would do the same. After our daughter’s second birthday I started teaching her our last name, the town we lived in, and mommy and daddy’s first names. I did what I thought was the basics of protecting her, keeping her safe. Then, I stumbled across an article. It was about a man who was stealing photos of  children from parenting pages on Facebook. Pages JUST LIKE MINE.

The article never said if he ever did anything unsavory with the photos other than sharing them as his own. But it got me thinking and honestly, freaked me out.

I already don’t use my daughter’s name out of respect for her privacy. I decided to take down any photo that showed her face. I removed them from this column, my blog and my Facebook page. I am not one to become paranoid, but the idea of people with less-than-desirable-intentions scared me. It brought out my mama-bear instinct.

I never thought that I would have to protect my child from the internet. I grew up in a time where we didn’t even have a computer at home. There was no need for it. I am in uncharted waters and am surrounded by sharks. I am trying to walk the line between embracing technology, acknowledging the need for it and protecting my most valuable asset. My daughter.

To compound an already challenging issue, we also have to teach manners. Online manners. In addition to the “pleases” and “thank yous” in person, I need to teach my daughter what is appropriate online behavior.

Someone throw me a lifesaver, these waters are rougher than I thought.

If I take a step back and look at the situation I can see that the two things are related. Online manners and online safety share a common ground. You can’t teach one without the other. I got this. I hope.

“What are you doing, Mommy?” She asks as I upload a photo of her for my Facebook page. “Why is there a heart over my face?”

I take this as a chance to start the 21^st century conversation. “Your face is covered because I don’t want everyone knowing what you look like, Peanut.” I keep my answer simple and factual. I don’t want to scare her and the complexities that I struggle with would surely confuse her 3-year-old brain.

“Like strangers?” She asks.

“Yes, sweetie, like strangers.”

“My face has a heart on it cause we need our privacy, right?”

Maybe she understands this better than me.

“Right!” I answered. She smiles at me, kisses my cheek and runs off to play.

I uploaded the photo and skimmed through my newsfeed. I am constantly shocked by the lack of social graces social media has. When did it become ok to say awful things about other people? When did it become acceptable to use four letter words as a comma? And, where, oh where, has all the punctuation gone?

So, not only will we have to teach our daughter how to be safe online but we will also have to teach her etiquette.

The water just got WAY deeper.

Respect, conducting oneself with integrity, and honesty translate to the cyber world. But somehow it all gets lost in that translation. Social interactions online should be no different than in the real world. Simple rules like, never say anything online that you wouldn’t say to the person’s face, don’t put up photos that you wouldn’t hang in public, and never post anything that you wouldn’t announce in the middle of a busy downtown. These are the things we will have to teach our daughter. All it takes is one bad decision, one inappropriate photo and the ramifications could last a lifetime.

We are living in a world where our kids are growing up in cyber-space. Instead of yelling, “Don’t forget your helmet!” so we know they are being safe in the neighborhood, we will say things like, “Don’t forget to friend me!” so we can make sure they are being safe online. Times are changing and change can be good, if you are prepared. I have my dingy, my life vest, and a whole lot of shark repellant.

I’ve got this. And if I don’t, I’ll Google it.